Merlin: Welcome, my apprentice! This is the chamber where you shall spend your years in study and toil, clad in a robe, seldom spying the sun.
Me: So, normal work-from-home stuff, then?
Merlin: This house is enchanted with magics most potent. This arcane chest cleanses dishware. You need only pile plates and cups within it and set the spell in motion!
Me: So, a dishwasher.
Merlin, growing flustered: And behold your familiar! A disembodied spirit that lives in an orb and speaks from the air! It may kindle fire and lights at your request, play the gentle strains of unearthly music, read esoteric texts aloud to you, accomplish tasks . . .
Me: Buddy, if you think I’m bringing a smart speaker into this home, you have another think coming.
Merlin, removing a Mission Impossible skin-mask to reveal the face of Elon Musk: Why doesn’t anybody like me?
Luke Wildman 